Not Pretty.
12:42
8.1.09
Ugh. How dreadful it is to be down with fever... AGAIN.
I've just recovered from high fever as december 2008 came to an end, & now I'm down with it once more.. 2 high fevers within a period of a month, both coupled with horrible sorethroats, coughs, phlegm, & body aches as well =.= This is really hampering my academic progress & makes it even harder for me to pull myself up & get to work.
The good thing's that I'll be back in school tomorrow after missing 2 days of school. That wouldn't have mattered much if we were still in lower sec, but it matters so much now that it's our 'O' level year, this year. Oh well, I guess now time's still on our side; but once nearing june, I bet you'd wake up questioning the reality of limited time you've left to prepare for perhaps one of the most pivotal points in your life. Yes, the big 'O', obviously.
If any liberty to spare, I can only allow myself till the march holidays. I can't afford losing out on anything more related to studies after that.
At the same time, I must reserve my poise. I can't flip out if something goes wrong, no matter how abject the situation is. I need to manage my anger, certainly. I couldn't believe I was able to lift a relatively heavy computer chair with one hand and somehow fling it at the cupboard, when I went berserk that my seven year old laptop had encountered an internal error & shut down without saving; the whole progress of my project obliterated.. Now I'm regretting what I did; I look at the damaged cupboard & go, "It didn't deserve this, it did nothing wrong; it isn't even a living thing. Anyways, it's my property, so why the fuck did i wreck it in the first place?" The last question is anwered by my inability of controlling my fury, & I guess the adrenaline rush just gets the better of you & you act before you think, which is why it is always better to be calm in even the most bleak scenarios, as you get to think before you act.
Okay, I'd love to be more philosophical here, but I think I'd better control my inner wants from engulfing me. I have to take my medication pills & get some rest, otherwise I'll prolong my illness.
Later!
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Driven by Hate, Consumed by Fear
